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A journey of self-discovery and awareness

What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

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In this piece WE couldn’t even begin to think of themselves as a human being, just a creature: a vile one that deserved nothing more than hanging a red light out of their window for all to come and use and abuse.

In this circle of self hatred, you see the coping methods used: alcohol, self harm, the constant battle of wanting to be beautiful despite the grips of anorexia. If we look to the mirror, we all have a public and private persona. On the whole, we long for others to see us as shining examples of human beings, yet this is impossible.

We all have skeletons in our closets: demons and vices which we think help us cope in the world, whether they are drinking, comfort eating, yo-yo dieting, shopping sprees or excessive exercise. Whatever we think we cannot do without is actually holding us hostage, not holding our world together.

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How daring are we to expose our true selves to others without fear of recrimination? On a minute scale, if we look at the spiders going up the ladders by example, are we able to express our phobias without fear that others will ridicule us and use it against us?

Is it possible in society today to be free and own up to who we really are, or are we constantly wary because of how we ‘think’ others will perceive us? Do you feel open and carefree, or do you feel constrained, watching what you say and how you act, always mindful of what others may think? Are you always feeling guilty and inadequate if you don’t match up to expectations placed upon you by others? Or is this all an illusion?

‘We’ are very good at thinking we know what is going through others’ heads, yet in fact we have no idea whatsoever. We may think they are judging us or looking down on us, but is that simply because we feel inadequate? Our internal dialogue dictates what we perceive, how we feel and hence that becomes our reality. ‘Everyone thinks I’m a loser’, for example.

Indeed, in some cases that may be true, but for the most part it’s ourselves that informs us what others think, hence we lead miserable, secretive, lonely lives trying to avoid painful feelings. That’s natural, so how can we turn this around?